Nov 3, 2016

The truth of the matter is : 
Fear has stifled me from submitting my burdens at the throne. 

I'm restless. I've tried to do things on my own. I have believed in the false realities of fear. As it masquerade itself against my heart. My identity is replaced it's deception with anxiety. It smuggles me like a mass murderer ready to do the crime. I've given into the idea that this is the end-- there is no hope for the future. In the words of an african mother, " I am finished" is all I can seem to pull out from what is going on around me. Yet, I've built walls of deception in which I've dug up wells that can no longer hold water. As my heart beats violently and my palms get sweaty, I close my eyes and envision the woman who was subject to bleeding for twelve years |Mark 5:25-34; Matthew 9:20-22 ; Luke 8:43-48|. I mirrored her life with my reality and aligned her grief with mine. Multiple physicians, yet no one could help, let alone her situation grew worse. I silently sympathize with her. I understood the frustration she felt, each time another physician turned her down.

Twelve years of rejection, being mocked and perhaps countless thoughts of doubt. Things remained the same. In her agony, she was cursed by many and isolated from society. Visions of  people chanting  "unclean!, unclean! " formed in my mind as this woman carried on with her burdens all "alone" trying to figure out the next step. Uncertain, I imagined her cries of sorrow grew worse, and for the remaining twelve years she put her hope in men who were trained to know the mechanics of the body; yet lacked the understanding of what was actually going on with her. I could easily sympathize with this woman's grief, but I realized something much more significant-- the contrast in our personalities. The difference between this woman and I, was her faith. She set her heart on the power of Jesus and his ability to heal her from the touch of his garment. I on the other hand,  have failed to trust in Jesus with certain areas of my life. The doubt in my heart and mind has resulted in fear .

Fear cripples us and robs christians of their ultimate joy in Christ. As I sit here and write I'm crippled by the simple fact that, I will not be able to execute the post correctly. The negative thoughts of not being good enough, smart enough has resulted in constant doubt of believing that God doesn't care or will help me. Lies to distract me from experiencing joy in my Savior. The joy in believing that God is my provider, helper, healer and source of comfort. When we allow these false realities to entrap us, we give power to the lies that goes against Gods word and promises for us | 2 Corinthians 1:20|. I learned a valuable lesson from this woman: "our choices to step in faith should be pursued in boldness when we know the one thing we are pursing--Jesus".

The odds was against this woman,

1. she approached Jesus at one of the peaks of his ministry, while surrounded by a crowed of people
2. her bleeding was considered unclean, she was not to touch or be touched

Yet, she heard about a man named Jesus and believed in the face of all that was around her.

I sit here in awe of her experience. It put things into perspective that, Jesus knows our lives and has the ability to free us from all our sufferings. So whether we are struggling with sexual sin, depression, negative thoughts or bleeding for twelve years. Theres a man who can heal you. The cool thing about him is, he takes a broken person meets them at the well, and changes their lives to sin no more. However the ultimate choice is ours, so will we believe? or will we let the fake facade of fear rob us of finding ultimate joy in him? As I dig up my own wells of self-doubt, I know my faith in trusting in Jesus fills them up. I know he can do all things. I'm reminded that each time I start to get anxious or filled with doubt I can hear him tenderly whispering in my ear, " Take heart daughter", " your faith has healed you" |Matthew 9:22|.

And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. | Matthew 17:20|

for the sake of Love,

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