Sep 23, 2016

I've been really frustrated lately, I'm trying to stay positive while I feel like my head is underwater. Oftentimes we tend to focus on our circumstances instead of the God who can change our circumstances. So if you feel like you're being choked by your worries and all the issues of life, remember that all your days were written even before you existed. Don't forget that the ONE who controls your life knows you✨šŸ‘†šŸ¾
"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. | Psalms 139:16|".


A Different Kind of Love

Sep 22, 2016

In a world that teaches you that love is a feeling, that love is chemistry, that it’s you and I being able to sit in silence without saying anything and it not being awkward; that love is you making me feel good, that it’s us needing each other all the time, and being able to fulfill each others’ desires, I’m glad you and I are practicing something different. It’s challenging—the type of challenge that makes me walk away in frustration and question why you and I are together in the first place. It’s the type of challenge that forces me to look at my own faults; to look at the way I am selfish and the way I allow my emotions to overwhelm me. It’s the type of challenge that encourages me to confront my insecurities and fears, and gives me clarity after disagreements and fights. It’s the type of challenge that asks me why I expect you to fulfill something that I could do myself in order to have peace between us. It’s the type of challenge that has encouraged me to be mindful about how I act with others, and how I speak.
I am being cleansed from familiar habits and actions that are not conducive to the health of you and I.  And the more I think about it, I am becoming a better person for myself too. My impatience is being stretched to forbearance. Not just with you, but within various spheres in my life. I see myself growing in a way that is not guided or propped up by my emotions. People cannot provoke me anymore. Well, no, let me say it like this: I do not allow myself to be provoked anymore.

You and I both know this journey isn’t easy. And as much as I revel in how we’ve chosen not to gratify our desires, it’s as though we are traversing in a desert, unable to be each others’ oasis, choosing instead to honour God and ourselves. The road just seems so long, and never-ending; self-improvement and self-control feel so over-rated; yet, I cannot deny its necessity. Everyone always says the destination we are headed, although blissful, is not without mountains and challenges. Interestingly, they never give specifics or examples of what that looks like.

I’m starting to truly understand that love is more than what I have grown up seeing, and being told. Love is more than just great feelings, and fulfilling our duties to each other. Love is choosing each other everyday; love is sacrifice, it’s submission, it is grace, it’s selflessness. It is relinquishing the need to satisfy myself, and my needs and boasting about who I am, and what I have done to improve our lives. It is protecting, it is honouring. I know you are the one who I am supposed to be with because I prayed for you, asked about you and trusted that you are everything that I need. I trust that there is no need to unwrap all your gifts. I trust God. We both struggle with this everyday. Certainly it doesn’t make sense to everyone; others may find it outdated and disdainful. But we are preparing ourselves so that we maintain habits that will ground us when we are tormented and challenged beyond our capabilities.

 At the same time, I’d be lying if I didn’t express a bit of apprehension, that inkling of What if? It’s said that Love never fails.  It’s a phrase that is difficult to grasp because I see a failure of love all around me. Truly, if love never fails then perhaps what I am seeing is the illusion of love; a perversion of the real thing.
I guess that’s why this period is so necessary yet so uncomfortable. We are being challenged to practice selflessness, to extend grace, and self control, because we need these things to flourish as a couple and as individuals in a fallen world.
And we mustn’t forget that it’s a life-long journey of choosing to do so.

It’s ok though. We are getting there and we will make it. It’s a different kind of love, a love that requires us as individuals to transform, as opposed to me looking at you and telling you that you need to change. I hope we will continue to value what we are learning. And continue to rise to the challenge.
It’s a different kind of love.
And it’s worth it. 

"Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all thing. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

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