Not bound but free

Apr 1, 2016

I'm not really sure how this post will turn out. Right now my thoughts  are all over the place. I could plead for insanity but that would make me a little more delusional than I ought to be. Sometimes I wish I could be my own hero. Fix my problems and mend all that is broken in my life instantaneously. In the certainty of time I could bring my own healing right away and spare myself from all the frustration. I guess what I'm saying is if I could be my own god in a split second I would...sometimes. 

The wailing of my anxious heart often carries a load over my head. Like burning coals, I can no longer carry the shame of my guilt. The challenges of my heart give into the idles I put before God. Speaking about my struggle with lust is something I contemplated sharing on my blog for a while now. I know it's not for me to keep. I would be lying to my readers, myself and simply removing God out of the equation. I would be manipulating the truth to feed into societal approval and self assurance that things are done better for people than for myself.

I guess I'm crazy for thinking such a way. I must admit that I’m unapologetic  for my thoughts. Unlike others I can admit that I wear my flaws on my sleeve. I can admit that my walk with God is difficult and in the midst of my frustration most of the time I become impatient. I'm aware that my imperfect nature from the beginning of time was caused by a fall that I did not ask to happen but somehow has a great impact on my choices. I would rather be my own god in some moments because I lack the understanding of how God is working in my grief. I glorify myself rather than trying grasp the reality and truth that he’s on my side and for me. 

I have nothing to prove to anyone. I'm not perfect. I struggle every single day to get it right with God. Sometimes I'm afraid to admit to anyone what i'm dealing with. That’s the deadliest thing I can do; the devil is very crafty he wants us to hide our struggles so that we can wallow in it. He’d rather us not share it with anyone. 

I'm not afraid to admit that I need help !

I realize in this moment that I cannot save myself. The power that I have in me doesn't have the capacity to make me whole. So who will rescue me? Seriously who will rescue me ? I know exactly how Paul felt. His transparency in Romans 7 gave me a greater perspective of the struggle with sin.  That in his own will he knew exactly what he should not do but still continued to do it.  Most Christians today if they were to come across Paul they would say that the man needs deliverance or the holy spirit isn't present with him. Like seriously what kind of person continues to do the exact same thing and knows very well that he isn't supposed to do it ? Like where is the fear of God? 

I read a post a while ago from someone that said that as Christians we shouldn't speak of  our struggles because we're giving the devil a foothold in our lives. Well, my friend, this girl will continue to let others see her struggles. Why ? Because I refuse to be bound when I'm trying to get free and meet my Jesus. Paul was like me. He admitted his weakness and the struggle that he was dealing with. He understood that the sin that lives in him is what causes him to do the things that he ought not do, " For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out"| Romans 7:18|.He was a man that needed help. He needed someone to rescue him from his body that was subject to leading him into death -- a life of destruction. The only answer to his struggle was JESUS!!!

Some days my High for God can't be knocked out of me and other days my thoughts wage war. My actions are the exact opposite of who I profess to be. But I know that in my weakness God’s grace is sufficient. Although my body is dying everyday my spirit is being renewed through Christ working power. 
This post was written  for me to find strength in God. That even Paul who wrote most of the books in the new testament was used and even struggled in his walk with sin. Lust has been a major battle for me; at times I couldn't careless about honouring God but despite that I know what wrong is. God’s word holds true in my heart. I know that although this is my temptation I have power over it. I hope that this post will encourage anyone who is dealing with this, whether you are growing in Christ or you think you're a solid believer.  I believe that at times God reminds us real quick that we are not all we crack out to be as Christians. It's like the thorn in the flesh. It has been put there to humble us. 
So if you are struggling to talk about something that you are battling with, find someone you trust and ask them to pray for you. Don't let your sin be a snare that leads you to death. 

Don't be Bound, Be free and speak up about the sin that entangles you!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, | Hebrews 12:1|

for the sake of his love, 


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