Some things don't need a title...

Sep 22, 2015

"Well, I don't laugh at your jokes and I don't think they're funny so maybe we aren't compatible -- are the words uttered from my lips to him. Once again I had said something that I truly didn't think about but acted on because I was all up in my feelings.

As I laid in bed yesterday night, I beat myself up over those words. Why ? Because these words hurt someone I truly care about. It was not intentional--But I admit that my extreme personality sometimes leads me to act foolish.  

I never intended to get super personal on my blog about my relationships. I believe some things are not always for the public eye. However, since this is my personal blog, I needed a place to clear my thoughts, and I thought I would write something for those who I take advantage of and hurt with my words; I want to show my sincere regrets to the ones I love on how my actions sometimes don't back up words.


You matter. Your feelings matter. I adore the man you are and how God brought you in my life to be the piece to the puzzle of my hectic, crazy life. I must admit i'm work, a lot of work, and it's not your job to fix me up, but I do believe as a friend it's your job to be with me and fight with me through the mess. Growing up I settled with things I wanted to do and the boys I wanted to be with and even with friends I chose. I didn't understand the value in my voice or the power of expressing myself--i bottled things up and held onto my pain and let it birth annoyance with the world-- I'm sure you can relate to that. Like anything that needs to grow, you must feed it, nurture it until it no longer depends on you.
If I could go back into the past I would erase the bitterness from my lips, listen slowly and have the patience to align the words of my lips with the rhythm of my heart. I know what my heart means; I know what it feels but sometimes the words of my mind speaks for me too quickly before I can catch myself. I can't tell you the exact formula of why that is, I guess that is something God himself has to step in and teach me. Apologies become diluted if they are used too often and artificially; what I mean is,  if the person's actions constantly don't measure up with their words. Then anything the person has to say becomes ineffective. I hope that it never gets like that between us; that despite each others' flaws, our apologies will always be sincere. I know my words are not always loving, but I pray that you have patience and that you still make the effort to stay. I hope our love for each other reflects what Christ sees so that we don't dishonour each other, become self-seeking, be easily angered or keep records of our wrong.(1 Corinthians 13:5). May it be your everyday prayer that God works in my heart. May I be the very best for Him and the very best for myself to prepare me to be the wife that you are going to marry.


Our hearts can lie in many places and we can shatter our peace if we let the noise get too close. I let the noise get close , I let the lies shape my love for you. I let my actions of being an overly protective sister shape me into being a mean one. I'm sorry. I really don't understand where the distance between us comes from and why we are not like "other sisters". It hurts that maybe i'll never have that with you, that you probably won't be the first one I run to when I have good news about the events in my life. That you won't be within reach when I'm in the most difficult seasons and I just need my sister. My sister, the one I love, laugh and talk to on the phone for hours about random stuff or even laugh at our parents because they can be straight up annoying. It hurts that maybe we will never have that. I'll admit that I have said some hurtful things in the spur of the moment. I know those words cut you deep and they remain in your thoughts.  Who knew that you would grow up to be your own person? It was naive of me to think you would be young forever; to think that one day the power I have as the older sister who can boss you around would not lose its vigor. Shockingly, it happend, and my hand was losing the grip over your life as you started to develop hips and your beautiful chocolate melanin started to appease the boys. I hope one day you can forgive me. That we will not only be sisters by blood but sisters in action. I pray that you become the best version of yourself and that loving you to me will be loving you despite all the things we've been through.
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we out to lay down our lives for our brothers(1 John 3:16). That I may understand God's love for us through our relationship and actively lay my life down for you, in love, speech and in my actions. A friend once told me that when it comes to family you can't have pride. The certainty of those words put things into reality. I love you. I hope that your perspective continues to mature, and you never settle or give pieces of yourself to people who don't deserve it. I hope one day we can really move past the hurts and realize the value of each other while we sip some virgin piña coladas on a beach somewhere LOL. May your prayer be that my heart changes to understand all that you are and may Christ be the solid foundation in our relationship as we put the devil to shame.

I hope one day our love for each other draws no limits.

God has been using these relationships to expose the rawness of me: how I am when His light shines on my life. The things I seriously have to change and the issues of my heart that have been growing since I was a child. I'm in my most vulnerable state. I'm fragile. But it's okay; I don't have full ownership of my life, God does. My mistakes don't define who I am. I believe that there are some characteristics that God himself gave to me. Should I ever settle into another persons light, then i've lost myself in the process of growth. Remember that your mistakes don't shape who you are--realize them and work towards being better for yourself. Seriously, if you're reading this pray for me, that I will not lose myself in the progress of uncovering my mistakes. 

A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. (Proverbs 18:7)

for the sake of his love, 

REPOST: For my friend Nana by Avrielle B

Sep 17, 2015

The struggle has been so real this past month, and the doubt has been realer LOL. I honestly don't want to be that christian who complains about everything or just gives into her feelings every time something isn't going right. But, unfortunately sometimes it is easier to give up then wanting to try. We should never underestimate the power of God. He is so faithful, that even when you get discouraged in your faith he sometimes uses the people around us to make his presence known reassuring us that we are not forgotten. So I just wanted to share with you guys what my friend Avrielle wrote for me on her blog this week --to be honest it's one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me. I was so overwhelmed with emotions as I laid in bed and read the post. I had to put it on my blog as reminder of God's precious gift to me every time I get discouraged.

 Avrielle( Avryelllle i'm actually saying it in the voice I always call you in LOL) if you are reading this, thank you for being my Johnathan in this season, you are friend who loves me unconditionally despite my flaws and mess. Honestly you make my heart smile and there isn't enough words to express my gratitude. Hahaha and lets be real this simply isn't the post for all that but I got you girl;)!

Romans 11:26- And in this way all Israel will be saved. As it is written: 'The deliverer will come from Zion; he will turn godlessness away from Jacob.
(27) And this is my covenant with them when I take away their sins."
(28) And as far as the gospel is concerned, they are enemies for your sake; but as far as election is concerned, they are beloved on account of the fathers,
(29) For God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.

... the message bible interprets Romans 11 verse 29 as, "God's gifts and God's call are under full warranty- never canceled, never rescinded." (my favourite verse from this scripture)

Nana, we are very much the same when it comes to how overwhelmed we get when we can't seem to get something right or we allow ourselves to feel so condemned, but I came across this sermon today that really made me think of you. The sermon was taken from Romans 11 verses 26-29. It discussed how this whole christian walk is really more about God then it is about us. We as imperfect human beings will fall and will make mistakes. When God gave us the gift of salvation He knew every little mistake we would make and He was aware that it would take us a million tries before we got it right. Before the earth was formed God was thinking of you. He fashioned you to be a woman of intricate detail that maybe only He would ever understand. He knew what all of your weaknesses would be and all of your strengths when He decided to give you this amazing purpose. He knew how all of these specific things about you would play a role in who you are and how you interact with others.

I say all of this to bring it back to the reason for your being, God.

When He gave you this purpose He already knew that He would be the one who delivers you from all of your sins. Verse 26 states that the deliverer will turn godlessness away. This is his promise to you (verse 27). It isn't a matter of whether or not He will do it because we know that He will. This promise is more about God then it is about you. Even though you are fickle and your feelings may change, God never does. This is His promise. He will deliver you. The best part of this whole thing, which is the part you were most worried about is that His calling and His gifts that He gave to you will not be revoked. Regardless of who you are and how many times you may fall. God will not take away the purpose He has for your life. He called you so He will qualify you. So even when it seems to be the opposite you and I should know that God's gift's will never be canceled solely because of who He is.

I know you already know all of this, but after our conversation last night I know it can't hurt to be reminded. I love you prophetess gyal!

for the sake of His Love


Sep 8, 2015

I'm nervous. Excited for the change.But scared to accept the change. I'm a victim of death.the one that chokes me up and draws me away from my savior. But he probably wont accept me. that is what the mind wants me to believe.that resistance means i'm insignificant. So I draw away instead of drawing near. I hide because my soul can't accept the truth. Truth that reproves, and washes me clean. So I hide. Hoping that my existence becomes static. And the guilt will matte. the shame will dry out. and maybe life will stop and I won't have to hide. But I heard a voice deep within my soul. He called out my name.I froze.could I be going crazy ?. so i listened. and nothing. silence. so I waited. my heart pounded.pupils dilated. my pores opened up. I listened. and right then.when my ears became attentive.when my body shifted in focus. I heard the soft rumble of his voice speak to my soul.come to me and i'll give you rest was the symphony uttered from his lips and touched my very being.and in that moment.It became clear.

I needed REST. and Jesus was calling...

for the sake of His love

Love in September !

Sep 1, 2015

Our deepest sorrows come from the inability to focus on the blessings that lie in front of us. But the reality is that we attract anything that we decide to shift our focus to. If you constantly seek out the negative in life you will start to birth a negative reality for yourself. August was that month for me: doubt, regret, and guilt was the crown over my head and unfortunately it was affecting my relationships. I'm not the most confident person on the block; sometimes it is mainly because I have been making poor eating choices which have taken a toll on my weight and skin. This has discouraged me in all areas of my life which has resulted in me comparing myself to others and criticizing my personal relationships. I want to be the best version of myself, all that God made me to be. I want to love those around me with a Christ-like love, regardless of how challenging it is. I want to embody love-- something that the bible constantly emphasizes and challenges us to do. So, for the month of September I want to make some changes. I will focus on Love: to love God, and specifically, to love myself and allow God to guide me through this process.  I want God to help me see and understand the beauty that He has instilled in me; to be kind and gentle with myself, flaws and all. I want to extend the same love, gentleness and patience to my family and friends also.

Goals for September
Changes in my diet:

  • no carbs(no sugar, bread, rice pasta etc.)
  • drink lots of water( lemon water ;)
  • Exercise 3-4 a week
  • no processed foods/fast foods
  • take vitamins
Face Regimen:
  • Wash face 2x daily
  • use apple cider vinegar as toner
  • turmeric mask  2x a week
  • exfoliate 2x a week
  • steam face 1x a week
  • moisturize with aloe vera mix
On Self
  • spend more time with God (praying, journaling, and reading the bible)
  • be a better sister, daughter, friend and girlfriend by being patient, kind, less irritated and self-less.
  • meet new people
  • be more open minded

If you are reading this and you're finding it difficult to love yourself and others, let September be the month that you seek God to help you extend Grace to yourself and to others. Allow him to reveal the extent of His love to you and through you. I'm praying that you, too, will develop a regimen that will help you grow in your journey.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres |1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 |

for the sake of his Love,

P.S It's not too late to do the #pursueinpurity challenge for more info click here

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